You can tell when the people around you truly care about your happiness and success—they show it consistently. They encourage you, ask how they can help, and cheer you on every step of the way.

On the other hand, those who don’t make an effort to show support may not just be indifferent—they might actually want to see you fail. Watch for these behaviors in those close to you, as they can be subtle signs of hidden resentment or jealousy.

1. Constant criticism and negativity

Do you have someone in your life who frequently belittles your goals, dismisses your passions, or mocks your ambitions? If so, it could be a sign that they secretly hope you won’t succeed.

Sometimes, people discourage you because they think they know what’s best for you. If you fail, they can say “I told you so” and push you toward the path they prefer. Other times, their negativity comes from envy—they may have wanted to do what you’re doing but didn’t have the courage or opportunity. Seeing you fail makes them feel better about their own unfulfilled dreams.

2. Subtle acts of sabotage

Some people undermine you in quiet, sneaky ways. Maybe your roommate “forgets” to pass along an important message that causes you to miss an opportunity, or a parent suddenly becomes unavailable when you need their help—then criticizes you afterward for not succeeding.

As therapist Dr. Emily Mayfield explains, people like this often fear change. They prefer you to stay where you are, especially if your growth makes them uncomfortable. When they get the chance to set you up for failure, they take it—and often convince themselves they’re justified in doing so.

3. Playing the victim to derail your progress

Not everyone has the same drive or discipline, and some may try to pull you down by guilt-tripping or manipulating you emotionally. For instance, if you stop drinking or start a new health routine, a friend might pressure you to “just have one” to make them feel better about their own choices.

When I decided to get sober and focus on my health, some people close to me tried to make me feel guilty for not joining in. They said my decisions made them feel bad about themselves. But remember—someone else’s discomfort with your progress is not your responsibility. Stay focused and don’t let anyone drag you back down.

4. Aiming to talk you out of whatever it is… for your own good, of course.

Some people who secretly want to see you fail will try to talk you out of doing things you’re passionate about for the sake of your own good. Or so they claim. They might cite safety issues or the high probability of failure, and encourage you to take a different, safer route that they approve of instead.

A perfect illustration of this would be a parent or friend who always dreamt of doing the thing you’re interested in but couldn’t for one reason or another. Since that was their dream, they’re bitter and resentful about the fact that you’re pursuing it when they couldn’t. If you are successful , it’ll cause them greater pain, so they’re hoping you fail instead. That way, they can offer sympathy while revelling in schadenfreude instead of simmering with envy and resentment.

5. Competing with you for what you want

Have you ever noticed someone suddenly getting competitive over the very things you’re working toward? Maybe it’s a job you’ve applied for, a person you’re interested in, or another opportunity you’ve been chasing—only for them to try to grab it first. These people often get satisfaction from “beating” you to your goal, as if your success somehow threatens them.

Even worse, if they can’t achieve what you’re going after, they might try to make sure you don’t get it either. They may spread rumors, badmouth you to others, or subtly undermine your reputation to block your progress. If they can’t have what you want, they’ll make sure you don’t either.

6. Copying your hobbies or passions

Someone who feels insecure or envious of your interests may suddenly adopt the same hobbies—especially ones they never cared about before—just to outdo you. It’s not genuine enthusiasm; it’s an attempt to prove they’re better. They might even try to overshadow your achievements or damage your relationships within that community by gossiping or turning others against you.

This kind of behavior often stems from emotional immaturity or wounded pride. Instead of being inspired by your pursuits, they treat your success as a personal slight and try to “win” by outperforming you.

7. Getting quiet or dismissive when you talk about your goals

If you bring up something you’re passionate about and the other person quickly changes the subject, acts distant, or becomes moody, that’s a sign of discomfort or resentment. They might accuse you of bragging or claim you’re trying to make them feel bad, when in reality, your progress just highlights their own insecurities.

Rather than supporting you, they redirect the conversation to themselves or their interests, ensuring the focus stays off your success. It’s their way of avoiding feelings of inadequacy and keeping control of the interaction.

8. They don’t show up for what matters most to you

When someone secretly wants to see you fail, their jealousy or insecurity often outweighs any desire to support you. As a result, they tend to find excuses not to attend events that are meaningful to you. Maybe they suddenly “come down with something” the day of your wedding or graduation, or they conveniently “mix up the time” and arrive hours late to your big race, art show, or business launch.

Sometimes, they might even create or exaggerate a crisis to justify their absence. For example, your relatives might promise to attend your store’s grand opening, only to cancel last minute because of a conveniently timed “family emergency.” In reality, they can’t bear to watch you succeed and prefer to redirect attention elsewhere.

Final Thoughts

When people reveal their true colors, believe them. Some individuals put on a convincing front—acting supportive and kind—but it only takes a small moment of truth to expose the resentment simmering underneath.

It can be painful to recognize this, especially when the person is someone you care about. But it’s better to see things clearly now than to invest in a relationship that will eventually let you down. Trust your instincts, stay focused on your path, and never dim your light to make someone else feel comfortable in your shadow.