A story is currently circulating the internet regarding a couple and what led to their failed marriage. Although it’s a seemingly fictional story, the scenario does shed light on some important topics. Topics that should be addressed between partners in order to have some necessary tools for a long happy life together.
The story goes that Mark chose to file for divorce after his wife began taking some solo fishing trips. He discovered something odd in a picture she posted, and it left him feeling a little untrusting and uncertain. The couple have a neighbor named Sam. And he happens to be the owner of the fishing pole that Lisa was using. Mark then pieced together the possibility that something was going on between Lisa and Sam. When he confronted her, she, unsurprisingly, denied any involvement with their neighbor, stating that she’d only borrowed Sam’s fishing pole.
Mark wasn’t settled by the answer and realized he was in a failed marriage. Because whether or not she actually was seeing Sam, the fact that Mark felt any level of distrust toward his wife meant they had a rocky foundation.
Avoiding a Failed Marriage
Most people are well aware that you can’t have a relationship without trust. Moreover, a failed marriage is often the result of a combination of factors that include infidelity, dishonesty, lack of trust, or feeling like needs aren’t being met, heard, or respected. While marriages take a lot of work, it’s easy to avoid a failed marriage by simply being honest with one another. Honesty is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, romantic or otherwise.
Honesty is Crucial
First, being honest creates an environment in which parties can fully be themselves. This is advantageous for both parties. It allows people to accurately gauge whether or not they can share a life with each other and whether or not they’re compatible. Conversely, it’s not ideal for anyone to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love every part of them—even the less desirable traits like lacking patience or feeling a sense of entitlement.
Next, when couples have total honesty and open communication with one another, they are able to hear the needs of the other person without feeling defensive. Instead, when honesty is present, the situation already feels more secure and comfortable, thereby easing the process of being vulnerable. Honesty leads to open communication, preventing a failed marriage because both partners feel heard and supported.
Subsequently, honesty helps partners form a more solid bond with one another, ultimately strengthening the relationship. However, it’s important to remember that in order to be honest with others, one must first be honest with themselves, acknowledging and evaluating needs and flaws.
Health Concerns Worsened by Failed Marriage
Stress and Heart disease have been linked in numerous studies. Sadly, heart disease is one of the leading causes of death in America. Although this is an extreme example it’s worth noting because dishonesty in a relationship can cause stress. Over time, if one partner consistently feels uncertain or insecure, it could eventually play a major role in serious risks in the future.
A good way to avoid this is to simply communicate with your partner. Make a quick call throughout the day to say hello. Let them know when you’ll be late. Give them a rundown of your lunch plans, projects, or meetings throughout the day. Rather than answering the question, “What’d you do today?” Or “How was your day?” With a vague or short-worded answer. Moreover, instill confidence in your partner by telling them the things that you appreciate and enjoy about them, highlighting their strengths. So, they’ll be confident and secure in how much they mean to you.
Construction Vs. Critique
A failed marriage can sometimes be the result of poor communication. While it’s important for partners to be willing to hear the needs of their significant other, it can be hard sometimes because they may feel as though they’re being criticized. A good way to combat this is to reframe your approach. For example, replace ‘you’ statements with ‘I’ statements. Maybe your partner was running late but didn’t call. Instead of saying “You should have called”, one might instead say something like “I was worried when I hadn’t heard from you”. It’s important that the topic is presented in a way that expresses a need without making the other person feel they’re being attacked.
Alternatively, respecting a boundary might be something that’s done before a situation rather than after. For example, in a situation similar to the one above, one might tell their partner that they’re going to borrow the neighbor’s fishing pole before they do so, and certainly before they post a picture online.
How to Be Honest
Although honesty is a fairly self-explanatory term, people have a somewhat divided perspective on what the term actually means. For example, one person might feel that withholding information isn’t dishonest. At the same time, the other person might have some problems trusting their partner after discovering the withheld information. Or one partner might feel like little “white lies” are okay, while the other feels the opposite. As a result, it can be hard to encapsulate a perfect example of honesty. However, if you’re hoping to avoid a failed marriage, there are a few guidelines that will help clarify what it means to be honest.
One key component of honesty is simply telling the truth. Always be honest about your thoughts, feelings, and how situations may have unfolded that led to the discussion in the first place. As well as following through on promises made and the things you say. In other words, you must be consistent and ensure your words are reflected in your actions.
Love is a complex emotion, and partnership can take a lot of work. In contrast, by simply being open and honest with your partner, you can decrease the odds of a failed marriage.