Peace be with you. There are topics many avoid out of fear, superstition, or grief. But when it comes to saying goodbye to a loved one, knowing what to do—and what not to do—can prevent mistakes that later leave guilt, confusion, and anguish.

For years, many priests have witnessed the same scene repeat itself: family members who, with genuine love, place objects inside the coffin, believing they are “helping” the deceased. However, in the Christian tradition, saying goodbye is not about providing the person with “things,” but about helping the soul detach from the material and be accompanied by prayer.

Because the problem isn’t the object itself… but the message that object conveys:

“These things still belong to you. You still need this. Don’t leave completely.”

And that message, even if born of love, can become a burden.

A story that changed everything

A woman arrived at the church weeping, some time after burying her mother. She recounted how her mother appeared to her in dreams, restless, pointing to her neck and chest, as if something weighed her down or choked her. The daughter didn’t understand what it meant… until she remembered what she had done on the day of the funeral.

Out of love, she placed a large gold necklace, one her mother adored, on her coffin. And also, a wad of cash, thinking: “so she won’t lack anything there… in case she has to pay for something.”

The intention was “good.” But the gesture revealed a dangerous belief: that salvation works like the world here, with payments, objects, and guarantees.

That’s the point:

when we say goodbye to someone, we don’t help them “take things with them”… we help them let go.

What NOT to put in the coffin (and why)

1) Money (coins, bills, large sums)

This is one of the most widespread superstitions. In some ancient cultures, it was believed that the deceased had to “pay” for a step or a journey.

But the Christian faith doesn’t teach that: no one can buy the soul’s rest, much less “with cash.”

Furthermore, money symbolizes attachment to earthly things. Placing it is like telling the soul:

“Remember material things,” when it precisely needs to be freed from them.

2) Jewelry, rings, chains, and valuables

Many want their loved one to “look good” or to depart with what they loved. But gold is useless to the soul, and for the living, it can become a false notion: that the value of farewell lies in objects.

There’s an even more delicate point: if the person had a strong attachment to their belongings, reminding them of this in their final moments can become a final emotional burden.

3) Personal objects that represent attachments

Keys, glasses, diaries, letters, saved photos, watches, cell phones… even today, some people place phones or tablets.

Each object speaks volumes. For example:

Keys: “It’s still your home”

Planner: “You still have unfinished business”

Cell phone: “You’re still connected to things here”

A Christian farewell seeks the opposite: surrender, let go, trust.

4) Food and drink (bread, sweets, alcohol)

This is another gesture born from ancient beliefs: that “there” one is hungry or thirsty just like here.

But the soul is not nourished by food. It is sustained, through faith, prayer, God’s mercy, and love expressed in good works.

The most serious thing is when alcohol is given to someone who has struggled with addiction. It’s like leaving them a reminder of their wound at the moment when they most need release.

5) Photos of living people

This is extremely important. Photos of children, grandchildren, partners, or living relatives should not be included.

Beyond popular opinion, the main problem is spiritual: the photo is used as an “emotional amulet,” as a “magical” gesture to elicit something (“that it protects him/her,” “that he/she doesn’t forget me,” “that he/she watches over me”).

And faith is not based on magic or symbolic shortcuts, but on prayer and trust.

6) Objects linked to vices or sins:

Gambling cards, cigarettes, drinks, “lucky charms,” things associated with destructive habits.

This is not comforting. It is a reminder.

And if the person has carried these struggles, the last thing they need is to carry symbols of them as if they were part of their eternal identity.

7) Sacred icons or images from the home (especially antique ones):

A small devotional book or a blessed reminder specific to the ritual is one thing, but burying valuable or antique family icons is quite another. Sacred images are meant to support the living in prayer. Burying them is often a mistake: it deprives the home of a spiritual treasure and exposes the image to degradation.

8) Sharp objects or tools

Knives, scissors, needles, trade tools (hammer, scalpel, instruments).

Sometimes this is done for “protection” or to represent identity (“he was a carpenter, let him have his tools”). But the soul is not defended with metal: it is accompanied by prayer.

9) Letters and notes “for them to read”

Many people write farewells, apologies, or final messages and place them inside. It’s understandable… but true communication isn’t on paper, but through prayer, remembrance, and acts of love.

If you have unfinished words, you can whisper them in front of the coffin or at the cemetery, and transform them into prayer: that has more spiritual meaning than burying a message.

10) Esoteric or occult objects

Talismans, runes, zodiac signs, “protections,” red thread, “charged” objects, amulets bought from supposed “healers.”

This is incompatible with the Christian faith and can bring spiritual confusion. Saying goodbye doesn’t need “magical defenses”: it needs faith, respect, and prayer.

So… what should accompany the person?

In a dignified Christian farewell, the essentials are:

A cross (according to the tradition of each community)

A small prayer book or appropriate image for the rite, if applicable

The elements of the religious ceremony (according to the minister and the family)

And for the living, the most important things happen outside the coffin:

Daily prayer

Requesting a memorial Mass/service according to local practice

Charitable works in their memory

Supporting the family in their grief

Why are these mistakes made? Almost always for three reasons:

Lack of knowledge: inherited customs are repeated without knowing their origin.

Grief: the mind seeks to “do something” to soothe the anguish.

Superstition: faith is confused with mechanical rituals.

And that is what should be calmly addressed: faith does not operate through objects, but through love, prayer, and truth.

Tips and Recommendations

Talk as a family beforehand (when possible): making it clear that you don’t want money, jewelry, or personal belongings in the coffin prevents conflicts and guilt later.

If it’s already happened and things have been placed in the coffin, don’t live in fear: focus your energy on what does help: prayer, service, charity, and family support.

At the wake, avoid turning the farewell into a “museum of belongings.” A dignified farewell is sober and humane.

If the family has doubts, the wisest course of action is to consult a trusted religious leader from their community.

Instead of spending money on objects to “bury,” consider doing something better: helping someone in need in memory of the deceased. This comforts the living and honors the one who has passed.

Saying goodbye to a loved one isn’t about “equipping” them for the afterlife, but about accompanying them with faith and letting them depart unburdened. What sustains the soul isn’t material possessions: it’s prayer, love, mercy, and hope. And what heals the living is not clinging to things, but learning to let go peacefully.